It was New Year's Eve and I was in one of my usual panic modes. The 2014 version of me got very nervous in social situations and I almost couldn't bring myself to go to the New Years Eve party on the beach with my family. My dress didn't look right, my makeup was all wrong, and I just wanted to lie in bed.
I gave myself a few minutes to mope and I pulled out my phone and opened it to the notes app. There, I wrote my New Years resolutions.
I was tired of being happy on the outside, but not on the inside. It's a very funny state to be in because to everyone, you look ok. You have a blog that you enjoy to write. You have a loving family and boyfriend. You get good grades in school.
I knew that 2015 needed to be the year that I was happy with myself and not just the things I had or what I could accomplish.
So I laid the groundwork for myself. I wrote down what I wanted and hoped that by this time next year, I'd be writing this blog post.
I wanted to...
1. be more confident. Wear bikinis like they're t-shirts.
2. go without makeup sometimes and not worry about acne scars or imperfections
3. eat right. Not two bites of salad, but not a double cheesburger and fries. Find a balance and have a good relationship with food.
4. blog about beauty and health and things I really truly was passionate about instead of fixating on trying to be current and trendy
5. listen more and ask questions
6. stop worrying
So, what do I have to say for myself as 2015 comes to an end?
1. I'm really proud that I can throw something on and not worry about how I look in it. Yes, I've lost a lot of weight and while it wasn't all intentional, (eating veggies does wonders I guess) I feel good and am confident to wear things I wouldn't have worn before. Do I wear bikinis like they're t-shirts? No. But no one does. Everyone has insecurities. At least this year I'm more comfortable and confident. Last year I was hiding in big clothes and this year I can't get enough of spaghetti straps.
2. If you would have told me last year that I would move to wearing makeup about twice a week I would have laughed. Me? But what about all my acne scars? What about the fact that my skin doesn't seem to be one solid, flawless color? Oh well. I truly love the skin I'm in.
3. Sometimes I eat brussels sprouts and chicken. Sometimes I eat tacos. I am happy.
4. I've had some posts I've been really stoked about in 2015. I have gotten to share a lot about my life with you all and I love it. I try to write posts for every reader: college tips, fashion, health, etc. But I always write them for me as well. Writing has always been a part of my life and has helped me through a lot, so I love that I'm able to do it and have it be public for others to enjoy.
5. I think I do this. I hope I do this. I'm going to continue to do this. After all, I met a lot of new people in 2015 and let me tell you, it was awesome.
6. You can't stop worrying completely. Everyone worries. But does your flat tire fix itself because you worried about it? No. I try to take things with a grain of salt as best as I can, and you know what? My skin is clearer and my heart is happier.
I know that lately, my blog has been a lot of reflections. But hopefully you can see that this is because 2015 was a year of change. I am a lot different than I was in 2014 and it is all for the better. I like to use this blog to look back on how far I've come and see how I can challenge myself even more.
If you're wanting to set some resolutions, I highly encourage you to challenge yourself. There's probably something in your life that you've always wanted to change or to make better. If you look at it, dissect it, write it down on paper or save it in your phone, you can see that there's really nothing stopping you. Maybe all that's stopping you is...you. You truly can do anything you set your mind to.
So buy an outfit you've always wanted to wear, but you've been afraid to try. Cut your hair. Sell your car. Apply for that job. Start that blog. Delete that guy's phone number. Whatever it is, you can do it.
Open the notes app on your phone tonight and change your life.
I love you all and I wish you a very happy 2016.